How do you tell someone they're not special enough to fuck to Elliott Smith ?

These days I get this sick satisfaction in knowing that I'm going to be alone forever.

Say Yes

Whenever I see an extremely old, withered, person I always have to resist the urge to ask them if they're ready to die.

Vicodin and tuna salad thoughts.

I sobbed for about an hour and a half. I wiped my slate clean and you're the only person I had ever felt that way about.

I knew you couldn't have even imagined loving me the way I would have loved you back.
So that's that.

Avoidant Personality Disorder:

1. avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

2. is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

3. shows restraint initiating intimate relationships because of the fear of being ashamed, ridiculed, or rejected due to severe low self-worth 

4. is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations 

5. is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy 

6. views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others 

7. is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

Hello, My name is Alyssa and I have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I would like to come home now.

You know something?

Me: What's that.

	In the English language, there's lots and lots of different ways to say a single thing, but there's one thing that really can't be worded in any more elegant, expository, or additive way. I miss you.

My words don't travel far, they tangle in my hair.

I dreamt about you last night, it was the only dream I've had in weeks where I didn't wake up in terror.

Coincidence? I think not, but you'll never know.

Everything I've ever wanted to tell you lingers in the cracks and crevices of my mouth.

I'm trying to be suitable, so that when you get back you'll want to do marvelous things together.

I was going to tell you about how New York has been, but I'd rather read.

You've got your new ties, I've got my old knots.

I am not unforgettable.

I am expendable.

But it's alright, really.

I'm putting all of my faith in the fact that New York will hopefully expunge all of those commiserating thoughts that bounce around in my head. I will come back revitalized, restored, fortified! Which may sound like a very expensive bottle of water, but it's something.

"So, where is your boyfriend tonight?"

                                               "Non- existent."

"Oh, why is that?"

"Boys and I don't mesh very well."

"Oh, you mean you're a lesbian?"

"Yeah, that's it."

I didn't mean to lie,  it's just easier that way.

Post. Script. I am not a lesbian.