It seems as though I only amuse finding inspiration to write anything worthwhile when I'm wallowing in the most abysmal and fathomless of commiseration.
hm.

The one thing you'll learn over and over again for the rest of your life is that everyone is shit.
It's like getting continuously kicked in the face but each time the kick is more callous and tormenting than the last.
I am angry because I am so sad.
I am sad because I am so angry.

It's odd how often you notice rape being the premise of a joke when you're trying so desperately to dismantle the debris he/it left so guiltlessly in you.

Debris: (noun) the remains of something that has been destroyed or broken up.


So destroyed that it didn't even bother me when once again #### waited until I blacked out before having sex with me.
You wake up the next morning naked from the waist down and think "at least I didn't have to put up a struggle this time."

How do you tell someone they're not special enough to fuck to Elliott Smith ?

These days I get this sick satisfaction in knowing that I'm going to be alone forever.

Say Yes

Whenever I see an extremely old, withered, person I always have to resist the urge to ask them if they're ready to die.

Vicodin and tuna salad thoughts.

I sobbed for about an hour and a half. I wiped my slate clean and you're the only person I had ever felt that way about.

I knew you couldn't have even imagined loving me the way I would have loved you back.
So that's that.

Avoidant Personality Disorder:

1. avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

2. is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

3. shows restraint initiating intimate relationships because of the fear of being ashamed, ridiculed, or rejected due to severe low self-worth 

4. is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations 

5. is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy 

6. views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others 

7. is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

Hello, My name is Alyssa and I have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I would like to come home now.

You know something?

Me: What's that.

	In the English language, there's lots and lots of different ways to say a single thing, but there's one thing that really can't be worded in any more elegant, expository, or additive way. I miss you.